Kevin Hambly's light bulb moment.

I'm just constantly trying to be better. I think I was pretty good about that even early on. 

I just paid attention to what was going on and how the team was responding. And if they weren't responding how I wanted, why was that? I started evaluating my own behaviors. 

But when it really clicked was when I was with the USA women's team.

I was with the team from 2001 to 2004. You're traveling and you're talking to the athletes and talking to 'em about their college experience.

Cause I had a feeling that I wanted to get back into that and not go professional. I liked that age group a lot.

So I was curious about what their experiences were like. And what they liked and disliked.

Many of them just felt like it was about the coaches. Many of 'em felt like they were being used up and that they were just a product. That it was very transactional.

They're players of the year, All Americans. And they're pretty miserable their whole time in college. And I'm like, we can do this better. I can figure this out. I can solve this. 

So I just asked 'em a million questions about what they liked and didn't like. And then from there I really started to, in my mind, shape who I wanted to be. Especially as a collegiate university head coach.

But that was what kind of what shaped my coaching philosophy at that point.

Some feedback is evaluative (“Your rating is a 4”); some is coaching (“Here’s how you can improve”). Everyone needs both. Evaluations tell you where you stand, what to expect, and what is expected of you. Coaching allows you to learn and improve and helps you play at a higher level.

When in doubt, people tend to assume the worst and to put even well-intentioned coaching into the evaluation bin. Feeling judged is likely to set off your identity triggers, and the resulting anxiety can drown out the opportunity to learn.

 So whenever possible, sort toward coaching.